I love kittens. Who doesn't? (Except you allergy sufferers. I can hear you out there, right now, wheezing and sniffling. Stop it.) The trouble with kittens, of course, is - stop me if you've heard this - that they grow up to be cats. I know this from experience. Every single time I get a kitten, it starts off cute and fluffy. It says "mew" and you can hold it in one hand. You find yourself chuckling at everything the little rascal does, up to and including climbing your bare legs with its tiny claws sticking into you. You don't mind finding him in the bathroom sink, or in your cereal bowl. He's always ready to chase a string or attack the newspaper, especially when you're reading it.
Time passes. The kitten grows. He is not quite as playful as before. He is a little more demanding, a little less cute. He has less time for you. He expects you to feed him and clean his litter box, but what does he offer in return? Will he chase a feather? Maybe, if there's nothing better to do. Sleep with you? Only if his paws are muddy. Newspaper? He's going to lay on it while you try to read it, instead of pouncing on it. He has become an independent, aloof, demanding snot of a pet - in short, a cat.
So, you get another kitten. The new kitten will do all the cute fun things that kittens do. And, as an added bonus, you'll have plenty of fun watching your old cat interact with the new cat. "Ha ha," you'll say. "Look at old Elmo cleaning little Crumpet. Oh, wait a minute, he's trying to eat little Crumpet!" The accompanying burst of adrenaline as you rescue the kitten is good for you. Really. And your reflexes will improve dramatically as you liberate the kitten from a variety of hair-raising situations, usually initiated by the original cat.
Once you've all survived kittenhood again, you're faced with a new problem. Now you have two cats. Obviously, you could bring another kitten into the mix, but if you get another kitten every time one turns into a cat, accumulating 5 or 6 or 10 cats, you'll discover the joys of complaining neighbors and house calls from friendly animal control officers. Legal problems aside, it's also bad for housekeeping purposes, as any cat owner will tell you, because cats have some charming habits such as shedding, tracking cat litter around the house, vomiting in your slippers, and bringing in half-eaten birds and lizards. Not even your Shop-Vac could keep up with this. No, constantly adopting kittens is not the answer.
I have found an inspired solution to this dilemma, however. You just trot on down to your local animal shelter and tell them you want to foster kittens. Yes! You can be a foster parent to animals! Who knew?! Here's how it works: they give you a bunch of kittens. You take care of them when they're tiny - too small to be adopted, but too large to be mistaken for rats. Then when they get a little bigger - this is the good part - you give them back. Someone else takes them home to turn into cats, and then you get more kittens! The people at the shelter think you're doing a good thing (and you are, of course. Only you and I know we're doing it strictly for selfish reasons.) The kittens benefit, the shelter benefits, you benefit. It's brilliant! Everyone should try it! (except those of you with allergies, small apartments, large dogs, infants, lawyers, braces, shingles, chicken pox, cooties, or thongs.)
