Suck It Up
I hate housework. I've always hated housework. I know, I know, you hate housework too. It's just not that fun, is it, to keep the cobwebs off the chandeliers, or to polish the silver. In fact, vacuuming can be one of the least satisfying household jobs. Some days, you can't see anything wrong with the carpet, but it's been a week since you last vacuumed, so you haul out the old Hoover and make some lovely parallel lines in the carpet. Well, that was fulfilling. And then there are those attachments for corners, and draperies, and possibly some other things you would know about if you'd read the manual. Should you use those? Will anyone notice if you don't?
Of course, if the dog tracked in mud, or you got grass on your shoes while you were mowing the lawn, or you dropped an entire box of Grape-Nuts, then it's kind of fun. You at least can see that you're making a difference, and maybe even hear crunchy noises while you work.
Then, you have a baby. You start to vacuum more often, in case there's invisible dirt or animal hair that might harm your precious infant. You don't care that you can't see any difference; you're making your baby's life better anyway, darn it! Then she starts to crawl, and put things in her mouth. Boy, you're on the job then for sure. You're vacuuming three, maybe four times a day, just to make sure little Betty doesn't eat a cricket, or fireplaces ashes, or something the cat brought in as a gift for you.
Then you have another baby. You're tired. You know that Betty ate a bug or two in spite of your best efforts, and she's fine. So, you're a little more relaxed about the idea of Veronica snacking on yesterday's toast, or maybe an old pencil eraser. Vacuuming goes by the wayside for a while.
As the kids grow, and learn to walk, and eat while they walk, they spill more. You're getting a full night's sleep most of the time, and you start to look around more closely. "What a pit this place is," you might say. So you make friends with old Mr. Hoover again. In fact, some days you have to vacuum just to find your way to the kitchen. Vacuuming isn't so bad now that you're a trailblazer, right?
But it's harder than it used to be. Before you can vacuum up graham cracker crumbs and entire schools of goldfish crackers, you have to move all the toys from where they are stored, which is on the floor. You carefully pick up each and every coloring book, stuffed animal, and action figure before you begin. You know that tomorrow everything will be back on the carpet, crumbs included, but for today you have done your best.
After several years of this, you begin to weary of picking up toys. Now, you just vacuum around them. Those toys move around a lot, so eventually every part of the carpet is going to get clean. It's a good theory, so you continue letting the toys live on the floor, until you step on one in the middle of the night. That's when it becomes the kids' job to pick up toys. And they'll do it, if you're willing to ask them repeatedly while standing over them and naming each and every toy. "Now pick up the blue doll. The one in front of you. Move your hand toward the door. See the doll now? Pick her up. Now pick up the yellow car. It's under your foot. Yes, that one..."
One day you snap. It's time to rebel. You are sick of those toys on the floor. Plus, the kids are not home to see what you're doing. You fire up the vacuum cleaner and go on a rampage. You're sucking up ribbons, Barbie™ shoes, Lego™ blocks, you name it. The vacuum is whooshing, whirring, grumbling and crackling, the dog is barking, the cats are hiding, and you feel great! You're liberated!
Only one thing may thwart your glee. If your child has reached a certain age, and she happens to be a girl, you'll find Fashion Polly™ and many pieces of her extensive wardrobe on the floor. That girl has rubber clothes! You cannot vacuum them up!
Being a practical mom, however, you ponder a moment and realize - this is what those attachments are for!
